New Beginnings

YOU HAVE TO DECIDE THE CHANGE IS WORTH MAKING BEFORE YOU CAN MAKE THE COMMITMENT TO CHANGE.

It was January 19, 2011 and my life seemed to be falling apart all around me.  I knew that this was going to be the year that was going to be full of changes. There I sat in the waiting room of my doctors office waiting to be called back--my head was pounding, I was spinning in circles, and I felt like I was literally going to barf on my husband's shoe. "Ashley," the medical assistant called my name and I stood up, "let's get a weight on you."  Oh great I thought to myself.  All I wanted was to just get a shot in the you know what so I could go home and pass out and hope that I would wake up with less of a headache in the morning.  I stepped onto the scale,  the number that popped up on the scale was unbelievable.  I felt sicker at that moment then I did when I first walked into the office.  It was no wonder I had a headache--my body was literally trying to tell me that I was sick and that and something needed to change.

In the few weeks following I started on a new medication that the Doctor prescribed to me that was suppose to prevent the migraine from occurring.  This medication is called Topomax.  I didn't realize it but it also acts as somewhat of a appetite suppressant. (I'm not complaining)  It had other side effects too like it made the carbonation in soda taste funny again nothing to really complain about.  That medication in combination with my decision to start the Couch to 5k Program for the bagillynth time was starting to actually pay off.  I was sticking to the C25k program this time!  People were noticing that I was loosing weight but not me.  It wasn't until I went back to my doctor in March and had some blood work drawn that I actually noticed.  This time I stepped on the scale and I had to ask the MA if that was really correct--had I really lost 25 pounds since January.  Sure enough I was down 24.6 lbs since January 19th appointment.  I really couldn't believe it.  Talk about motivation! 

As I said earlier 2011 was going to be the year for me for lots of changes and I had decided that the change was worth making and therefore I was committed to making them.  Now not all the changes that I was going to be making was going to be easy in fact the physical changes were probably going to be some of the easiest.  I also had a lot of emotional and physchological changes that needed to be made as well and they haven't been quiet as easy.

So as I sit here and I write this I am forced to reflect on the past few years of my life.  I can think of all the times that were good and the times that maybe could have been better.  I don't think I would say that there were times that were ever "HORRIBLE"  just tough but I got through them and I got through them with somebody that I hope that I will be able to call friend for a very long time.  Joey and I were put in one another's lifes for a reason and I truly believe that. I am not sure what it was that I added to his life but I hope it was something significant enough that it made the past 7 years worth his time. He taught me that I was worth being loved again and he gave me the strength to move on with my life at a point when perhaps I was at my lowest. I was hurt and beaten up to the core from my last relationship.(I am not sure Joey realized how hurt I was, not even I realized how hurt I was until even very recently when I started going to my therapist this year.) I don't ever regret my life with Joseph--together we learned a lot about love, friendship and life in general.  I think we grew up a lot but in doing so we grew apart.  It is my hope that Joseph can say the same things about our relationship as we move forward and on with our lives as two separate people now. I know in the beginning of our separation it was hard and to a point it probably always will be, but I think now we are both finding that this really is the best for the both of us.  On a side note I would also like to say I had wonderful in-laws and I couldn't thank them enough for everything they did for us while Joey and I were married.  It was such a pleasure being a part of his family and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them. 

Change is a verb and the definition of the word change in the Oxford American Dictionary reads as follows
To Make or Become Different. 
Change is sometimes and more often then not difficult but once we make the commitment to change and we stick to that commitment we can become someone whom we want to be and someone who we can be excited about becoming.  My life is starting out new again and I am excited to begin this journey.  

I hope that you will come back and continue to read my blog about my journey. I will be writing about my continued weight loss, building and finding new relationships with all kinds of people, I will also be writing about my journey in re-discovering myself and who I am and what I want out of my life.   This year has been my year of change and self discovery and I have learned so much thus far.

With much love, AJ