Something to be proud of..


“The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." --John Bingham

What a wake up call it was to see the number on the scale climb that day  in January.  I knew that day I had to do something.  I felt beaten up and discouraged but I knew something in my life had to change.  I had set a few goals at that point:  First was to complete the Couch to 5k Program(which I had started several times before), Second to actually run my first 5k by the end of the year,lose 85 pounds by the end of the year, last was to start making choices for me and my happiness.  Part of me actually thought I would accomplish these things and another part of me knew that this wasn't just something I wanted to do this was something I had to do--my life was dependent upon my decision to make my life healthier!



That quote above describes perfectly my first run and how I felt and even how I continue to feel each time I step out onto the pavement to run.   That first run especially was hard though.  I remember starting with the first five minute warm-up walk and thinking this should be pretty cake.  Oh boy was I ever wrong!  That first sixty seconds of jogging I thought I was going to die--How was I ever going to make it through 9 intervals of this?  Was I crazy for thinking that I could do this?  Well even if I were crazy I was going to have to work thru it because my life depended on it at least that's how I felt. At the beginning of each jogging interval I picked a landmark (a mailbox, stop sign, or light pole) and just ran until I reached it and hoped that by the time I got to it my little timer would ding and it would be time to walk again and if it weren't then I would look for the next land mark.  Each run got easier and easier. I am often more slow than I am fast but I enjoy my time out on the streets and each time I hit the pavement I find that I am becoming more and more comfortable with it.  Although in a "real" runners world I would be referred to as a "jogger," I feel I am a runner because I know what effort feels like, and I embrace it. I know when I'm pushing the limits of my comfort and why I'm doing it. I know that heavy breathing and an accelerated heart rate - things I once avoided - are necessary if I want to be a better runner.    Anyway back to the original quote in this post.  Truly the miracle isn't that I finished that first run, I knew that I could finish, I believe that I can finish anything if I put my mind to it, the true miracle was getting the courage to start.  Changing my routine and what I was comfortable with was the hard part--and I wasn't comfortable with my body image nor how I appeared in running gear.  I had to completely change my way of thinking.  I had to stop worrying about all the other people driving past me as I ran down main street FAT, SWEATY, RED FACED, and OUT OF BREATH--NOTHING AT ALL LIKE YOUR "TYPICAL" RUNNER.

I can't say that starting the C25K program was the only thing that has helped me come this far in almost maintaining my first weight loss goal but it definitely has helped.  I have also been following a very strict diet.  Most of you that talk to me on a regular basis know that I decided that after I had lost that first initial 25 pounds on my own I had decided to give myself a boost and try the HCG diet following Dr. Simmons protocol.  I have been attending the Medical Weight Loss clinic in Ogden where I meet with a Dietitian, and Nurse Practitioner once a month and have weekly weigh ins with the staff there.  I have been off the HCG diet now for about a month but have continued to lose 2-3 pounds per week since then following a high protein and slow carb(Low Glycemic index) Diet.  Also while I was doing the HCG I couldn't do the C25K program because of the very reduced caloric intake,  so I had to once again start over but this time it was much, much easier.  The motivation was already there! 

The title of today's post is Something to be proud of and today I truly have something to be proud of and I am really excited to share with all of you.  I am now officially 20 pounds away from my original  and first weight loss goal, I am running my first race on August 20th, 2011 though its not a timed race it's a running event and even slightly longer than a 5k and I will be playing in the Mud.  (More on that in a later post), and last I have joined a gym called LifeLong Fitness where I have a personal Trainer that I meet with twice a week but I am expected to be there at least 5 times a week. ( Again more on that later.) 

I hope you all have goals and aspirations in your own life that you want to work towards.  Know that sometimes the things that we want the most are the things we have to work the hardest for.  Thank you all for you continued love and support!

With much love,  AJ

Taken Late 2010

End of June 2011



July 4th, 2011

  















 









New Beginnings

YOU HAVE TO DECIDE THE CHANGE IS WORTH MAKING BEFORE YOU CAN MAKE THE COMMITMENT TO CHANGE.

It was January 19, 2011 and my life seemed to be falling apart all around me.  I knew that this was going to be the year that was going to be full of changes. There I sat in the waiting room of my doctors office waiting to be called back--my head was pounding, I was spinning in circles, and I felt like I was literally going to barf on my husband's shoe. "Ashley," the medical assistant called my name and I stood up, "let's get a weight on you."  Oh great I thought to myself.  All I wanted was to just get a shot in the you know what so I could go home and pass out and hope that I would wake up with less of a headache in the morning.  I stepped onto the scale,  the number that popped up on the scale was unbelievable.  I felt sicker at that moment then I did when I first walked into the office.  It was no wonder I had a headache--my body was literally trying to tell me that I was sick and that and something needed to change.

In the few weeks following I started on a new medication that the Doctor prescribed to me that was suppose to prevent the migraine from occurring.  This medication is called Topomax.  I didn't realize it but it also acts as somewhat of a appetite suppressant. (I'm not complaining)  It had other side effects too like it made the carbonation in soda taste funny again nothing to really complain about.  That medication in combination with my decision to start the Couch to 5k Program for the bagillynth time was starting to actually pay off.  I was sticking to the C25k program this time!  People were noticing that I was loosing weight but not me.  It wasn't until I went back to my doctor in March and had some blood work drawn that I actually noticed.  This time I stepped on the scale and I had to ask the MA if that was really correct--had I really lost 25 pounds since January.  Sure enough I was down 24.6 lbs since January 19th appointment.  I really couldn't believe it.  Talk about motivation! 

As I said earlier 2011 was going to be the year for me for lots of changes and I had decided that the change was worth making and therefore I was committed to making them.  Now not all the changes that I was going to be making was going to be easy in fact the physical changes were probably going to be some of the easiest.  I also had a lot of emotional and physchological changes that needed to be made as well and they haven't been quiet as easy.

So as I sit here and I write this I am forced to reflect on the past few years of my life.  I can think of all the times that were good and the times that maybe could have been better.  I don't think I would say that there were times that were ever "HORRIBLE"  just tough but I got through them and I got through them with somebody that I hope that I will be able to call friend for a very long time.  Joey and I were put in one another's lifes for a reason and I truly believe that. I am not sure what it was that I added to his life but I hope it was something significant enough that it made the past 7 years worth his time. He taught me that I was worth being loved again and he gave me the strength to move on with my life at a point when perhaps I was at my lowest. I was hurt and beaten up to the core from my last relationship.(I am not sure Joey realized how hurt I was, not even I realized how hurt I was until even very recently when I started going to my therapist this year.) I don't ever regret my life with Joseph--together we learned a lot about love, friendship and life in general.  I think we grew up a lot but in doing so we grew apart.  It is my hope that Joseph can say the same things about our relationship as we move forward and on with our lives as two separate people now. I know in the beginning of our separation it was hard and to a point it probably always will be, but I think now we are both finding that this really is the best for the both of us.  On a side note I would also like to say I had wonderful in-laws and I couldn't thank them enough for everything they did for us while Joey and I were married.  It was such a pleasure being a part of his family and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them. 

Change is a verb and the definition of the word change in the Oxford American Dictionary reads as follows
To Make or Become Different. 
Change is sometimes and more often then not difficult but once we make the commitment to change and we stick to that commitment we can become someone whom we want to be and someone who we can be excited about becoming.  My life is starting out new again and I am excited to begin this journey.  

I hope that you will come back and continue to read my blog about my journey. I will be writing about my continued weight loss, building and finding new relationships with all kinds of people, I will also be writing about my journey in re-discovering myself and who I am and what I want out of my life.   This year has been my year of change and self discovery and I have learned so much thus far.

With much love, AJ